Duck Duck Cougar?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
