I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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