Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
