I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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