If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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