i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
