I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He shit in the fireplace
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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