I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
