I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
