remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
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What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize