so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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