Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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