there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
