he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
