Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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