had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Dicks are not precious.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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