I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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