It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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