My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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