it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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