i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
