We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
