I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
