She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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