I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
