She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize