I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i think i have herpe
just one?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
