do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
