Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Are we still banned from the library?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
