i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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