How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
