i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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