omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
