Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
