whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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