Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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