Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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