every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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