maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
