I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
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