yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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