ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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