i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
