Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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