Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
