a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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