I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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