i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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