Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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