I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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