i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
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i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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