I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
