that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
