and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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