I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
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Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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