Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
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Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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