I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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