my sisters under your porch take her home
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
