Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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