woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
