I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
