Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
